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Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that all of the worlds’ problems can be solved thanks to one new product on the market. And the product is, in fact, a sandwich. But not just any sandwich.

What’s the only sandwich that can stop world hunger, save the rainforests, build New Orleans ABOVE sea level, AND make you more attractive?

The Oscar Mayer Carving Board Turkey AND Carving Board Ham sandwich.

I know… the best turkey sandwiches you’ve ever had are enjoyed on the days following Thanksgiving. Same with the ham sandwiches being the best right after Christmas. But the turkey never lasts until the end of December. And the Ham certainly doesn’t last until next November.

But Oscar Mayer has made it possible to have these delicious carving board-style sandwiches all year long… meaning you can NOW combine the delicious meats into the greatest sandwich ever. 

I had one today. so trust me.

It’s the delicious taste of home-sliced meats, without the mess of slicing it at home.

(Oscar Mayer in no way compensated me for my opinions, but looking back, they probably should have.)

So at the house, we’re in the middle of doing laundry. Towels are dirty, therefore they must be washed. The only other towel in the house that fits my large frame (6’3″ and… let’s just say “rotund”) is a beach towel that was given to me from some jackwagons after their trip to Florida. The towel is from Univeral Studios and apparently from the “Marvel” region.

The point is, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with Spiderman’s face at my crotch when I’m trying to dry off after my shower. It’d be a different story if it were Gwen Stacy.

ps – who the hell gives a beach towel? I’ll tell you who – douche bags.

Holy crap – it’s been two months and thirteen days since I last blogged. That is unacceptible.

That’s the biggest drawback to having a website without any content.

That being said, hopefully I can get a short podcast started on here. Something where it’s once a week, ten or so minutes… nothing major. I dont think people care to listen to you for an hour if you’re not famous. And I’m not famous… not yet.

So if you didn’t know, I’m on Twitter. 9.5 out of 10 people who are on this site get here through Twitter. I’m very proud to say that some of my tweets to celebrities have been returned. We’re talking the likes of WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross (www.twitter.com/JRsBBQ); Monicals Pizza (www.twitter.com/Monicals_Pizza); Amy Mills (daughter of the King of the BBQ, Mike Mills – www.twitter.com/17thstreetbbq); individuals within the University of Nebraska (I’m looking at you, www.twitter.com/LeftyShamus and www.twitter.com/lanegrindle); Gabe Sapolsky of www.twitter.com/DragonGateUSA, Robin Banks (www.twitter.com/r_banks), the voice of Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs, who is also an established radio host in England; my buddies in Revis (www.twitter.com/revisrocks); and even Rick Harrison from History Channel’s Pawn Stars (www.twitter.com/GoldSilverPawn).

I didn’t name names to brag. I hope to be a recognizable face/name someday. If that ever happens, I will show my fans the same courtesy I’ve been shown.

Ok, enough of putting the cart before the horse. I’m actually attempting to take a page from the Robin Banks Book on Success by trying to get into voice over work. I worked with a guy who used to do regional voice work (and probably still does). He told me to get him a demo CD, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Voice over work can be done in the studio at the radio station where I am currently employed. I wouldn’t have to send CDs all over – just quickly send e-mails. I already do it for current clients who need ads to get to other radio stations.

There are murky waters ahead, friends. Many unknowns lie ahead.

I’ll keep you posted (hopefully more often than once every ten weeks).

Hooch

ps – I’ve come to the conclusion that I put a lot of phrases in parentheses.

pps – Did I really just “tag” Theo the Greek in this blog? Bloody hell.

Allow me to state right now that I am a HUGE opponent of what is commonly referred to as “ObamaCare.” But then again, I already have insurance. Many individuals out there who DON’T have insurance have something similar, and it’s called a “medical card.” That means that they can go to the ER (any ER) and get treatment. Guess who pays for it… go ahead, guess. I’ll wait………. Yes, I pay for it. As does anyone else who pays taxes. Meanwhile, if I needed to go to the emergency room, I’d pay for it, and, you know, there’s a chance that my premium will go up. So now I’m paying MORE to see a doctor AND I’m paying for little Miss-Too-Broke-for-Insurance (which I can say, as I know a particular leech just like this one).

So now everyone is being forced to buy health insurance, except for some higher-up individuals who were recently added to the exempt list. AAAAAH the government is taking over our lives (GM = Government Motors).

Which brings me to the actual reason I started this column today. Car insurance. It’s “illegal” to not have car insurance. But there’s no government initiative to overhaul auto insurance to guarantee everyone has it.

Story time:

When my now-wife was a teenager, she was struck by a drunk driver (drinking and driving is illegal, strike one). This driver did not have auto insurance (that’s “illegal,” strike two). Come to find out that a few weeks after he struck the woman who would become my wife, he hit someone else (again, he was drunk, and again, he still had no insurance – strikes three and four). Oh, from the wreck that occured with my wife, her back was all sorts of screwed up. The discs in her lower spine were putting pressure on her sciatic nerve, shooting pain down her legs and random intervals. She lived with the pain until after she met me, and I finally convinced her to see a doctor. Spinal surgery… for a 22-year old. It seems crazy. Thank you Mr. Uninsured Drunk Driver. (PS – In brief legal action, I believe Mr. Uninsured Drunk Driver had to pay something like $2500-3000. You don’t want to know what that surgery cost).

I’ve had auto insurance for as long as I’ve had a drivers’ license. I’ve had accidents, I’ve had a couple tickets. And I’ve paid the price when my premium has been raised.

But if it’s illegal for drivers to not have auto insurance, shouldn’t there be some sort of database that has all the registered drivers in the state and all those that have insurance? And if you don’t have insurance, you shouldn’t be allowed to drive a car. And if you drive without one of those, and get caught, how about we not slap them on the wrist?

I don’t have all the answers. I’m not sure I have ANY answers. Just a lot of questions.

And now I’m done. I am going home and cooking dinner.

Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?

I want to preface this blog by saying I am a proud American. I love this country and have a profound respect for all those who have fought for her. I treat the American flag with dignity. I love the USA.

One of the things I love about America is the First Amendment:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

It allows me, and numerous others like me, to air our grievances in a peaceable manner. If I lived in Derka-Derkastan, I would not be able to speak about my government or its policies.

I have been a, well, a sort of non-vocal opponent (depending on who you are, you may or may not agree with the “non-vocal” part of that) of this government’s recent “leadership.” Hopefully the mid-term elections bring the hope of change we were promised two years ago (you know what I’m talking about).

I am a tax paying American citizen and I vote – so I’m pretty sure that gives me the right to complain. I’ll try to keep my thoughts concise.

A little too revealing for this airline passenger.

1) The notion of the TSA’s new “full body scan, invasive pat-down, or NO FLIGHT FOR YOU” policy is damn disturbing. I have always enjoying flying, and never found the previous security measures to be a problem. I will gladly take off my shoes, my belt, empty my pockets, take off my watch, walk through your x-ray machine, fail because I forgot to take out my phone, take out my phone, walk back through the x-ray, get the thumbs up, put my shoes back on, my belt, re-fill my pockets, grab my carry-on, and be on my way. I’ve even been randomly selected to get the more secure wanding, and had no problem with that. However, I will not be subjugated to a full-body pornographic scan, showing my ample stomach and, well, ok, my fat ass. And I will not be a part of your regulated TSA inappropriate touching/groping. One victim of your shenanigans claims that you kneaded and twisted her breasts. Well, I have man boobs, and they are sensitive. So, until these practices are removed, I will be driving. Your loss.

2) California… wtf are you thinking? You’re actually going to award illegal immigrants in-state tuition for colleges? You have their information, their addresses, etc (remember, they have to apply for college, and submit this information on their applications). Send the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) their info and let’s get them all deported. Please. And while I’m at it, can we please please PLEASE secure our borders so we can do away with all illegals? If people want to come in to this country legally, pay taxes, and pay into the system instead of just taking from it, I’m all for it.

3) And that brings me to my next and probably last topic of the night: leeches. You know the ones I’m talking about. I’m talking about the ones that feed off of the system. You who reproduce like rabbits and collect thousands of dollars from the government. You who don’t work or can’t hold a job but continue to upgrade your home theater system, car stereos, etc. The state of Illinois loses who knows how much money each month to welfare fraud or unworthy jackasses thieving from the hard working taxpayers. I could site one specific example, but I won’t this time. I recently read a story of a Maine woman who forged documents to dupe the system into thinking she was pregnant and paying her for forty months… forty. This is beyond unacceptable. Stop the free handouts. I continue to say that I would vote for the candidate who states, “If I have to pass a drug test to hold a job, you have to pass one to get a handout.” Maybe I should run for office on that platform…

4) Ok, I lied… one more thing: Bring back corporal punishment, and make it public. If people start realizing that their crimes have legitimate punishments, crime would go down.

You’re welcome.

I think it’s important for you to understand me. I’m not a guy who often has a ton of time to sit down and pour out my thoughts in blog form. I’m just too busy for that (please disregard the fact that my last two blogs came one right after the other and I stayed up until 3am to do them… hehehe “do”).

True story – I started writing this blog more than two hours ago. Like I said, I’m busy.

Anyway, I think to be an effective blogger, I need to start blogging more often (duh). So if I throw out random nonsense, be nice and comment.

If there’s something in particular you want me to write about, just to give my thoughts or opinions on, I’d be more than happy to do so. Just leave your suggestion as a comment and I’ll get to it, in my own time and in my own way.

That’s all… for now.

For a very long time, the WWE has entertained myself and millions (and millions) of pro wrestling fans globally. Vincent Kennedy McMahon has largely been the public face of the company for over two decades. In a portion of that time, his wife, Linda McMahon, served as the company’s Chief Executive Officer (or CEO).

What has happened in the last 25 years of professional wrestling? A LOT! Certainly more than I can begin to discuss here. WWE itself went through the Attitude Era and is now in a period where they are putting out a more family-friendly PG product. If you’re like me and you recall the Attitude Era, with the beer-drinking, middle finger waving, People’s Eyebrow-raising, crotch-chopping, helluva good time (that is, if you didn’t take too many chair shots to the head), you might think today’s product is “lame” or “squeaky clean” or some other phrase to describe it.

I can tell you this: I watched WWE back when Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon battle in a ladder match for the WWE title. I recall with in-depth clarification the Monday Night Wars, and the Attitude Era. And I enjoyed it all. WWE, like any other product, had to evolve, because those same kids watching Raw is War in their dorm room ten years ago can now watch Monday Night Raw with their children.

Linda McMahon stepped down as CEO last fall to start a campaign for a Senate seat in Connecticut. It was a risky maneuver, due to the political climate of this country.

Recently, the WWE has had its name dragged through the political mud by the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee due to Linda’s past involvement in the company. I could spend my time debunking everything that was said about her and the company, but here’s a link – read for yourselves: http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/2010-10-18-adwatch18_ST_N.htm

I think it is comical, nay, laughable, that the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee would stoop to these lows, when members… CHARTER MEMBERS of the Democratic Party have appeared on various WWE programming in the past. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, President Barack Obama have each appeared on WWE with various messages. Before she was Sec. of State, Clinton was interviewed by WWE Superstars as part of the Smackdown Your Vote initiative. WWE has never… eeeeeeeever told America how to vote, just TO vote.

Democrats aren’t the only ones who have appeared on WWE. President George W Bush and Arizona Senator John McCain have both recorded messages to the large audience that the WWE reaches. And if my memory serves me correctly, Bush’s address was around Christmas time during or near the time of the annual Tribute to the Troops broadcast, where he called America’s fighting men and women “our finest citizens.” Before being elected the 44th President of this great country, a junior Senator from Illinois appeared on WWE television and asked, “Do you smell what Barack is cookin’?”

I find it convenient that, now, now that she’s out of the global headquarters in Stamford, CT and on the campaign trail, Linda is being treated so unfairly. Numbers are being pulled out of the proverbial asses (refer to the link posted above).

So after such slanderous remarks made about a company that myself and millions others love, WWE said, “We’re not going to just lie here and take it.” And good for them. The WWE takes enough crap from people who don’t understand it. For me, it’s more than a “man’s soap opera.” It’s a time to get together with my friends and relax, watch some good tv, and shoot the bull. Who knows, maybe the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee just doesn’t have any friends.

I haven’t done the research myself, so fault me for that now, but I think I read somewhere about how the DSCC was creating controversy over some of the past story lines Linda had been involved with, and that of her family, including Shane and Stephanie. (clears throat) THEY ARE STORY LINES! Those involved are merely characters. I assure you!

A little over a week ago, WWE started a campaign called “Stand Up for WWE.” It’s objective was to correct the false and negative image that was being painted to the voters of the fine state of Connecticut. Then the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (our old friends, you know, without friends) claimed that the entire “Stand Up for WWE” effort was a ploy by Chairman of the Board Vince McMahon to coordinate votes, which is, in my opinion, absolute bunk.

Here’s the truth about people in general: They are going to vote for the candidate they feel will do the best job, and yes, that traditionally they will follow political affiliation. The WWE is not trying to sway the voters of Connecticut in any way, but rather, cleaning the crap off of their shoes – the crap left behind by the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, Connecticut Attorney General and Democratic candidate for the Senate seat Richard Blumenthal, the New York Times, Politico, New Haven Register, the Wall Street Journal, the New London Day, the Hartford Courant, and Connecticut Hearst Newspapers.

Here’s what I KNOW about the WWE:

1) They have a PG show that my friend is not worried about watching with his 9 or 10 year old step-son.

2) Between Tribute to the Troops, USO functions, and free tickets to live events for American Military members, you’d have to search far and wide to find a company that did so much for “our finest citizens” (again, quoting W).

3) WWE and WWE Superstars grant more wishes to children in the Make A Wish Program than, ummm, ANYONE!

4) WWE offers current and former talent who may have substance abuse problems complete drug rehabilitation at no cost to them. WWE is the only entertainment company that provides this type of assistance and ongoing support to its former performers. (ok, that one I got from WWE’s website http://www.wwe.com/inside/standupforwwe/ but you know how I know it’s true? Scott Hall, who works for a RIVAL COMPANY, was recently in the rehab program, again, free of charge)

If you’re looking for a reason to not like the WWE, just go with the longtime standby of “wrestling is fake.” Then I can smack you in the back of the head. It’s not fake, it’s pre-determined. If you’re buying into all the crap from the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, you need to check your facts.

And if you live in Connecticut, you ARE ALLOWED to wear your WWE t-shirts to the polls next Tuesday… they just can’t have the likeness of Linda McMahon on them or say “Vote for Linda.” Apparently, it was a “media misunderstanding”… blah blah blah. Props to Joey Styles for saying he’d wear “WWE clothing, or anything else I please when I vote on November 2.” (www.twitter.com/JoeyStyles, from a post at 7:54pm on Friday, October 22)

I hope you have taken the time to read this. The WWE is something I’m passionate about (if you’ve read my other blogs, you know I primarily only blog about that which I am passionate about). This blog has been a week in the making. I’m glad I’m finally able to get the word out. Feel free to comment. And tell @JoeyStyles I quoted him. He’s the @#$%ing man!

I’m a firm believer in printing what you’re passionate about. It’s why I write about sports, pro wrestling (which, as we all know, is TECHNICALLY “sports entertainment”), good music, etc.

I’m also passionate about my home life, my friends, and, as weird as it is to state publicly, to a “lesser extent,” my faith. I’m one of those C, E, and SO Catholics (Christmas, Easter, and special occasions, like when my grandparents recently celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary, which I think is the Pacemaker Anniversary…). I have a great home life with a wonderful wife whom I adore. We have our differences, sure, but if I were stuck with one person for the rest of my life, I’d choose her again. I do very little around the house. I take out the trash, do some laundry, do the dishes on occasion, and when it’s the right season, I sort of insist on mowing the lawn. I also help take care of our “child,” a 45-pound hound named Lucky. But when you think about it, I really don’t do a lot, and I know I could certainly do more. Oh, and I do cook an occasional AWESOME meal.

Lucky - she's cute, in a destructive sort of way.

Then there is the issue of my friends. And here is why I’m writing tonight at near 1am instead of crawling into bed with my sleeping bride and the dog (who, despite our attempts, insists on sleeping in between the two of us). I was driving home from podcasting tonight (www.bigkev.fm) when I came to the realization that, at some of my friends’ most important times, I haven’t been there for them.

I am an individual who firmly believes that it is not just our actions that define us, but our non-actions as well.

Which brought me to the conclusion of “I can, at times, be a shitty friend.” When my best friend was stepping up to what was the biggest day of his life at that time, his wedding day, he asked me to be there. And I wanted to be there. This, after all, was the guy who stood by me at the altar when I said “I do.” This was the guy who fell asleep guilt-free the night of my bachelor party when I was up puking all night telling my soon-to-be wife that it was “all RJ’s fault” (a claim he’ll never live down). I told my friend that I couldn’t be there because I couldn’t get off work. Why couldn’t I get off work? I forgot to request the time off. That’s it. Joe, Danielle, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I failed as a friend, and I failed on an epic scale.

I’m not looking for any sympathy, my words here should not convey one to thoughts of the sort. I know that I have grown more in the last six months than I had the five years prior. And yet, sometimes, I catch myself wondering if I’ve grown into the kind of man I was raised to be.

As a writer, sometimes words flow freely, and sometimes they need a nudge. Sometimes we get the speeches of grandeur worked up in our minds, but they don’t always gravitate to the page, err, screen that way.

In high school, I often would lay in bed at night wondering what would be said of me if I didn’t wake up that next morning. I’m sure it’s something most teens do, or did. I often wonder about my legacy – how would I be remembered?

I know I don’t want to be the guy known as not being there for his friends. I want others to know they can count on me, as I can count on them. I’ve been fortunate in my life to have some amazing friends. I hope that – to those who call me “friend,” – I can be equally amazing.

The muse doesn’t always tell me how to end a written work – so I’ll keep it simple this time and say only this:

Thank you to the people who have entered my life and hung around, and also, thank you to those who, for whatever reason didn’t stick around, but made an impact nonetheless. And… thanks to those of you who put up with me and my shenanigans on a regular basis. I know it’s not an easy task and you don’t get paid nearly enough.

Speaking of not getting paid nearly enough… no, that’s a blog for another time.

If you’re wondering why I tagged “Superman” and “John Williams,” it’s because it’s playing on the iTunes right now. That is all.

If suddenly gifted with super strength or the ability to fly, research suggests that most people would skip the do-gooder’s route to become a wealthy or powerful “Super-Villain.”  Adam Galinsky, a social psychologist at Northwestern University, tells MotherNatureNetwork.com, ”The average person is corrupted by power, but a select few see power as responsibility.”  Galinsky adds that personal circumstances — like family and upbringing — also matter.  The expert cites an example from the origins of “Spider-Man” in which Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben tells him, ”With great power comes great responsibility.”  This advice guides Parker’s future acts of heroism.  Galinsky’s comments coincided with Comic-Con 2010 in New York.  The popular event that celebrates pop culture, comic books, and super hero lore launched last Friday, October 8th in Manhattan. 

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It is a well-known fact that I am a comic book nerd. And I’m all right with that. And the sooner I get my comics backed, bagged, and boxed, the happier my wife will be, too.

I know of all sorts of super powers, ranging from the traditional flight, x-ray vision (what teenage boy never wanted that ability), the ability to heal oneself at a super-human rate, and many more.

So my questions to you are:

What super abilities would you choose for yourself (for kicks, let’s say you can pick two)?

and

Would you use your powers for good, or evil?

Leave your responses as comments.